Dane and Irish

A Dane and an Irish man are at the beach in Waikiki
All day the girls are hanging next to the Dane
On the way home the Irish guy asks his Danish pal why the girls
Didnt even notice him.
The Dane tells his buddy to get rid of the boxer short swimsuit and
Get a Speedo like him.
The next day the girls are hanging on the Dane again and not even noticing
the Irish man with the new Speedo.
On the way home he again asks the Dane whats the problem with the girls again
Not noticing him.
The Dane says look get yourself a potato and put it in your Speedo.
The next day still no luck, the girls are even staying further away from him. He cant
Stand it anymore and asks the Dane what to do next.
The Dane says move the potato from the back to the front.

It's a Trap!

4 Miracles of Woman

Getting wet without taking a shower
Bleeding without getting hurt
Giving milk without eating grass
Making boneless meat hard.

Vintage Beer Ads

Parrot

Late one night, a burglar broke into a house he thought was empty. He tiptoed through the living room but suddenly he froze in his tracks when he heard a loud voice say, "Jesus is watching you!"

Silence returned to the house, so the burglar crept forward again.

"Jesus is watching you," the voice boomed again.

The burglar stopped dead again. He was frightened. Frantically, he looked all around. In a dark corner, he spotted a bird cage and in the cage was a parrot.

He asked the parrot,"Was that you who said Jesus is watching me?"

"Yes," said the parrot.

The burglar breathed a sigh of relief, and asked the parrot,"What's your name?"

"Clarence," said the bird.

"That's a stupid name for a parrot," sneered the burglar."What idiot would name a parrot Clarence?"

The parrot said, "The same idiot who named the Rottweiller Jesus."

Hat

An elderly man was quite unhappy because he had lost his favorite hat. Instead of buying a new one, he decided he would go to church and swipe one out of the vestibule.

When he got there, an usher intercepted him at the door and took him to a pew where he had to sit and listen to the entire sermon on "The Ten Commandments."

After church, the man met the preacher in the vestibule doorway, shook his had vigorously, and told him "I want to thank you preacher for saving my soul today. I came to church to steal a hat and after hearing your sermon on the 10 Commandments, I decided against it."

Preacher: "You mean the commandment 'I shall not steal' changed your mind?"

Old Man: "No, the one about adultery did. As soon as you said that I remember where I left my old hat!"

Magician Show

A Las Vegas magician amazed the crowd - so much so that a man in the back of the theater yelled, "How'd you do that?"

The magician responded with a laugh, "If I told you, sir, I'd have to kill you."

The man yelled back, "Okay, then, tell my wife!"

Effect ef Sex Absentinence

Armless Man in Bar

An armless man walked into a bar which is empty except for the bartender.

He ordered a drink and when he was served, asked the bartender if he would get the money from his wallet in his pocket, since he has no arms.

The bartender obliged him. He then asked if the bartender would tip the glass to his lips.

The bartender did this until the man finished his drink. He then asked if the bartender would get a hanky from his pocket and wipe the foam from his lips.

The bartender did it and commented it must be very difficult not to have arms and have to ask someone to do nearly everything for him.

The man said, "Yes, it is a bit embarrassing at times.
By the way, where is your restroom?"

The bartender quickly replies -,
"The closest one is in the gas station three blocks down the street."

Driver License Uncover Everything

Two young boys were discussing their parents,
when one realized he really knew very little
about his mother. Arriving home that evening,
he gave her a third degree examination.

"How old are you?" he asked.

"None of your business," replied his mother,
shortly.

"Okay, then how much do you weigh?"

"That's not your business either, young man."


The boy thinks a minute then delivers his final
bombshell. "Well then, can you tell me why you
and daddy got divorced?"

Shocked and appalled, mom sends junior to bed
without supper.

The next day, the kid reports his failure to
his schoolmate. "I know!" says his buddy, "Just
look at her driver's license in her purse. It'll
tell you everything you want to know."

Later that day, mom finds her son next to her
disemboweled purse, holding her driver's license.
"Just what the heck do you think you are doing?"
she yells. "Well, you wouldn't tell me what I
wanted to know," says the junior detective, "but
my friend said it's all right here. See, you're
40 years old...you weigh 145 pounds...and daddy
divorced you because you got an 'F' in Sex."

Clever and Creative Anti-Tobacco Ads

Millions of people died by tobacco-related diseases every year, thus many people still using it for recreational purpose, social purpose, or has been addicted with it. May those clever ads helps them quit smoking.

Content of Transformer

see more Funny Graphs

They're right...

Conversation With God

Smith climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to God. Looking up, he asks the Lord: 'God, what does a million years mean to you?'

The Lord replies, 'A minute.'

Smith asks, 'And what does a million dollars mean to you?'

The Lord replies, 'A penny.'

Smith asks, 'Can I have a penny?'

The Lord replies, 'In a minute.'

10 Things That Sounds Dirty at Thanksgiving Day but Absolutely Not...

1. "Reach in and grab the gibblets."

2. "Whew...that's one terrific spread!"

3. "I'm in the mood for a little dark meat!"

4. "Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist."

5. "Talk about a HUGE breast!"

6. "And he forces his way into the end zone!"

7. "She's 5000 pounds fully inflated and it takes 15 men to hold her down."

8. "It's cool whip time!"

9. "If I don't unbutton my pants, I am going to burst!"

10. "It must be broken 'cause when I push on the tip, nothing squirts out.

Blonde With Two Red Ears

A blonde with two red ears went to her doctor. The doctor asked her what had happened to her ears and she answered,
"I was ironing a shirt and the phone rang - but instead of picking up the phone I accidentally picked up the iron and stuck it to my ear."
"Oh Dear!" the doctor exclaimed in disbelief. "But. what happened to your other ear?"
"The son of a bitch called back."

Family Tree of Vincent Van Gogh

His dizzy aunt ----------------------------------------------- Verti Gogh
The brother who worked at a convenience store ------ Stop N Gogh
The grandfather from Yugoslavia ----------------------------- U Gogh
His magician uncle -------------------------------- Where-diddy Gogh
His Mexican cousin ---------------------------------------- A Mee Gogh
The Mexican cousin's American half-brother ------------ Gring Gogh
The nephew who drove a stage coach --------------- Wells-far Gogh
The ballroom dancing aunt -------------------------------- Tang Gogh
The bird lover uncle -------------------------------------- Flamin Gogh
The fruit-loving cousin -------------------------------------- Man Gogh
An aunt who taught positive thinking ------------------ Way-to-Gogh
The little bouncy nephew ----------------------------------- Poe Gogh
A sister who loved disco -------------------------------------- Go Gogh
And his niece who travels the country in an RV --- Winnie Bay Gogh

there ya Gogh!

Time to Gogh..............